This new year I am unexpectedly spending time with my parents, My 85 year old father spent the weekend in the hospital and we are struggling alongside him as he tries to gain some ground on the issues that are threatening his quality of life.
One year ago during the Christmas holiday,. Rennie was in the James Center recovering from a stroke. I’m thrilled to say he has made a full recovery. I reread a post I wrote one night sitting by my husband’s hospital bed. The events of last Christmas are speaking boldly into the emotions I have as I watch my father labor to do the ‘right stuff’ to cooperate with us and the health professionals.
My own words have challenged me to rethink this moment, just as I was challenged one year ago. I thought you might benefit from reading them again too.
POSTED DEC 2019
I really love a feel good story and Hallmark Christmas movies have always been something I enjoy. ( I don't even feel bad if you are judging me because of it.) We all want the good guy to win, the hero to save the day or the magic of 'that kiss'. But we also know life doesn't always show up that way.
I'm writing this to you while I'm sitting in the OSU James Med Center and my husband lies in a hospital bed beside me. He was life-flighted here on Friday for symptoms of severe dizziness, headache and nausea due to a stroke that possibly happened almost a month ago.
The Hallmark version of this story would include a miraculous recovery sometime today, Ren and I walking hand in hand out the door of the hospital just as the snowflakes start falling on Christmas Eve. Of course there would be a magic kiss as the camera pans out to reveal the twinkling lights of the trees that line our path as we walk to the car to go home. And everyone would say 'Ahhhh!"
Instead we will be celebrating Christmas from this room on the 21st floor overlooking the Ohio State Stadium. While this isn't the Christmas gathering I envisioned a few days ago even, I am finding myself so very grateful for some pretty strange things.
If Ren had to have a stroke- this is the kind to have, they tell me. The brain can learn to refire around the cells that were affected by the stroke. Lot's of hope here. The ability to walk, even to the bathroom, without the world spinning out of control is so refreshing.
Orange Popsicles are a winner. He is ready to try some other flavors now though he hasn't eaten much else since Wednesday.
Our kids will be joining us here for Christmas. That, in and of itself, is a gift we do not take for granted. I won't be fixing the Christmas Eve enchiladas and we won't be eating Ren's Christmas morning baked french toast, but we will be celebrating the miracle of life together. No promises that everything will be rosy as we navigate the uncertainties of hospital life, but we have so much to be glad of in this time.
So how's your holiday?
Is it meeting your Hallmark expectations?
If not, will you join me in letting go of the expectations? Releasing what isn't and embracing what is. Walking away from what we wish for and finding the beauty, the peace, and the presence of the Christ-child in a very real, not so Hallmark celebration of his birth. I can't imagine that Jesus' first Christmas really had a Hallmark feel to it anyway. There must of been funny smells, weird noises, uncomfortable places to sit or to lay. It is very different, yet common to smells, noises and seating issues we are facing in a hospital room.
Yet there in that place was born the Savior of the World, the bringer of peace and joy!
For that baby's mother, scripture tells us that even in the middle of the messy, unexpected, Mary "kept all these things and pondered them in her heart". I have a ponder list a mile long from the last few days. Looking forward to a time when we can share some of the amazing stories we are all experiencing over the Christmas season.
This is
thrill of hope
weary world rejoices
new glorious morning
kind of stuff
Thank you for your prayers for Rennie. Please know you are in our prayers as well.
Shalom dear friends!
Kathy
P.S. I would love to hear how you are embracing the hope and the hard in this new year!