Pondering the value of ‘last words’ in my life, I have considered often my last face-to-face conversation with Dad over Memorial Day weekend of 2022. I shared this memory on August 6th, 2022 at his memorial service.
On July 23rd, 2022, my Daddy went 'HOME".
Since our daughter, Leisha, 'ran on home' almost almost 16 years ago, I've been very aware that this earthly home is only temporary.
Dad and I talked about that in May when I saw him last. He spoke of what it would be like to see Leisha - after Jesus of course! How he would give her a big hug and tell her that her momma loves her.
He admitted it was hard to think about leaving this earthly HOME, mostly his precious wife.
I thanked him for his faithfulness all these years;
faithful to his wife, and his family,
faithful to his calling to serve and point people to the Lord,
faithful to his relationship with Jesus.
He shook his head. "Oh Kathy, this is so much harder than you think it will be."
I nodded, pondering his words. We sat in silence for a moment.
"Is dying harder than raising 5 kids, and being husband, dad, brother, and uncle, neighbor, or friend? Is this harder than doing life with people as their pastor, baseball coach, lawn mower, hay bailer, community leader--- all those other roles you played?"
He smiled and shook his head again.
"Oh there were hard times then too. But there were so many good times. It's what I know. It's hard to let them go. But I know what the Bible says about heaven so I will trust Jesus now too...."
His voice trailed off and my throat was filled with emotions that spilled from my eyes.
I thought of another time we spoke when “fear and heaven” were part of our discussion.
I was 7 years old. I had gone with Dad to church camp even though I was a couple of years too young. The chapel speaker had given one of those hell-fire and brimstone sermons which was pretty intense for a 7 year old.
Then he asked the question,
"If you were to die tonight, do you know you will go to heaven?"
When the invitation was given and “every head was bowed and every eye was closed”, I literally ran down the isle to the altar shaking all over. I was so afraid Jesus wouldn't think I was good enough get into heaven and the alternative was scaring me to the core.
Pretty soon I sensed I was no longer standing at the altar by myself. I peeked a look to the floor and saw my daddy’s shoes. I felt myself relax. Daddy would know what to do. My daddy was a preacher.
As the other kids left the chapel, my dad invited me to sit with him on the front row of wooden chairs. He asked me why I had come forward tonight.
“Daddy, I’m afraid! I don’t want to die and not be sure if I’m going to heaven. I don’t want God to not know my name when I get there. “ ( Yes, I know--it’s a double negative. I was only 7.)
My dad put his arm around the back of my chair. “Kathy, God doesn’t want you to come to him because you are afraid. He wants you to come because He loves you. I want you to read this verse with me.”
He opened the Bible to the book of John, chapter 3, verse 16. Even at the age of 7, I was familiar with this one. Except he read it differently than I had learned it.
For God so loved KATHY, that he gave his only son, that if KATHY will believe in him, she will not perish, but have everlasting life.
God loved me so much that he gave ME Jesus! I remember wondering if I was really worth a gift like that. Daddy said yes. With my dad by my side, I asked God’s gift to be my Savior.
All those years ago, God broke into the world of a 7-year-old girl and spoke intimately through the words of her faithful father to her fearful heart.
Now my daddy was having to let go of his fear and trust in that same love as he prepared to leave this world to go HOME.
I'm eternally grateful I get to call him Dad. He may be absent from this HOME, but I celebrate all he has imparted to me - and my family - and to those in his world.
We all have the oppoortunity to point people to God’s love for them too.
Until the day God calls us HOME!